Yep my sexy brain donors I am still running about 12 hours behind the rest of you as a result of that 36hr. marathon I did for our Brain-Donors.Com 24 Hour Zombie Jesus Day celebration. It is still really messing things up for me personally. As most of you know, normally I would be posting my "Ask the Dead Guy" article in the morning instead of right before some of you go to be in bed. I am working hard to correct this issue, but not having a lot of success.
What is "Ask the Dead Guy"? It's my weekly Monday article where you lovely brain donors ask the questions, and the Dead Guy (me) answers them. To take part in all the fun all you need to do is post your questions in the comments below, send them to me in a private message here at brain-donors, post them on my wall over at Facebook, or you can email them to me directly at email@example.com. It's that easy.
While I do in fact have the four questions I require for a proper article this week, I am gonna shake things up a bit, and do something a bit different. As most of you know normally this article would be a questions and answer session where I answer questions posted to me by the readers of this article. Not exactly doing that this week.
Lately there has been a lot of concern regarding the kittens I often threaten to slaughter when I am not getting as many questions as I need for the article each week. So I figured I would address that issue this week instead the standard "Q&A". If you aren't interested in reading about the mean things Zombies will do to kittens in order to get their way, then I suppose you can stop reading right now. I won't hold it against you. Not much anyways.
I should probably note that the magical number I require each week to ensure no critters are harmed in the production of this article is "4". So you can understand why I feel the need to make threats when I can't get four fucking questions on a weekly basis out of you future brain donors. I mean seriously how fucking hard can it be to provide me with four fucking questions? Maybe I set my expectations of you lot way too fucking high. Who knows?
I won't deny it, clearly threatening to do horrible things to small fuzzy woodland critters and domestic pets is way more effective than threatening to do evil things to adult humans when I need to make things happen around here. Threatening to empty a clip into Bob's head and then bash it in with a maul, and sip his brains out with a straw didn't exactly garner the reaction I had hoped it would. I won't say I understand why you brain donors have no compassion for your fellow man, yet will go out of your way to protect the life of a kitten, but I'm not here to judge you. I'm just here to answer your questions.
If you are unfamiliar with who Bob is, well Bob is my personal punching bag, and the brain donor voted "Most Likely To Be Slaughtered" whenever he is in the proximity of myself or Wormwood. Let's just say when Bob and I are in the same room, things don't generally end well for Bob.
I have been tempted to threaten to slice and dice small children, but for now the kittens seem to get the results I need. All I have to do is post a pic of a blender and even remotely suggest what I intend to do with it, and I seem to get all the questions I need in a matter of moments. It hasn't failed me yet.
Back to the kittens though; It would seem that even when I don't threaten the kittens in a given week, it still results in questions being asked. I found that rather fascinating and that is what led me to shake things up this week.
On Sunday I posted the pic you can see to your left as a kind of "thank you" for getting all the questions I needed for this week's article. Even though I wasn't fishing for questions at the time, questions were still asked. I figured I would use today's article to answer those questions directly. That, and quite frankly at this late hour I don't exactly feel like wracking my brain coming up with entertaining answers to the more complex questions that were submitted for this week's article proper. I will answer those questions next week.
In response to the "Kittie Thank You" pic Tim Forston@Facebook asked, "Mister Cantankerous, what do you do with the kittens after you throw them in the blender wouldn't they be a lot easier to eat whole without all the bone pieces mixed in everywhere?"
Clearly you don't know how delicious Marrow can be. Either that or you've never used a strainer before. My standard process is to set the blender to Frappe and then when properly liquified I pour the mixture through a strainer to remove the bones yet still capture all that tasty marrow. I then like to add a cup of sugar and some raspberries before placing the concoction into a blast freezer to set up. In about 10 minutes my smoothie is ready for consumption, and just requires a quick stir before sticking in the straw and entering sucktastic Nirvana.
In response to the same picture, the admin from "I LOL'd"@Facebook asked, "Mister Cantankerous, do you skin them first so you dont get hairballs?"
Dear I LOL'd,
Nope no skinning. I literally just grab the kitten from the sack of kittens I keep in the kitchen at all times, and pop them right into the blender and hit the Frappe button. I find the hair adds a certain degree of texture and flavor to the Smoothie, and also helps to distinguish it from a human brain smoothie. The hair gives the smoothie a very rich, savory smokey flavor that I find most delightful. I know some people worry about hairballs, but until you've tried it this way you really don't know what you're missing. I highly recommend it!
While most of you tend to post questions with the intention of trying to help save the kittens, I found these two questions rather intriguing and deserving of special mention this week. For those of you who aren't already familiar with what happens when I don't get my four questions each week. I strongly urge you to watch the following video:
Well folks that's all the time we have for this week. Lainey, Shelly, Amanda, and Cass I have your questions stored. As for the rest of you, get those damn questions submitted or have kitten murder on your conscious, and I will be back to answer your questions again next week. Same Zombie Time, Same Zombie Channel.
Now you're on your own.