Well I'll tell you what I think, I think I always made it be known toward the end of my life that the next time I was apt to set foot in a church would be in a pine box with my feet facing the front door, and look how that turned out. That's what I think.

Well it's been a while since I've done one of these, but don't worry I'm not gonna lecture you on hokey religiosity or about getting in good with the man/woman/thing upstairs so as to avoid becoming a Zombie like me. I will leave that to those guys who like to wear funny dresses in public on Sundays. Truth be told I've seen both sides of the argument now, and you're all better off finding out for yourselves.

That said, in these ever changing times it seems the myriad of opiated masses will say or do just about anything to fill the pews these days, and that I find kinda funny. Call it my twisted sense of humor but it does make for some damn good entertainment. It was one thing to watch the TV evangelists rant and rave like a demented badger on crack, but now entire churches are getting into the act, and that is fucking hilarious. Just scan the news channels or YouTube to see what I mean.

In an age of mass media, and viral marketing, even churches are now competing for our attention as we drive past the numerous billboards trying to catch our attention between text messages. For the record, if you text while you drive  you are going to hell. You can take my word on that.

Point being that religions at some point in the last few years apparently caught on to what marketing means, and are moving outside their normal niche.  I mean who'da thunk 20 years ago we'd see Jesus and McDonald's' sharing the same real estate, and vying for the same target demographic? I guess a good marketing pitch makes for strange bedfellows, regardless of how adulterous that might sound.

Fact of the matter is no amount of wordiness either outside or inside your favorite parish is likely to save your soul, any more than switching to the latest feminine hygiene product advertised after your favorite soap opera is likely to leave you feeling more fresh than the one you already use. The entire notion that it will can all be boiled down to "marketing hype".  People pick churches the same way they pick grocery stores, and if you believe otherwise you need to rethink your entire life.

In the end, you know what you've done, "He/She/They/It" knows what you've done, and that is simply something you will have to set straight on your own. The flock and it's various flavors of "shepherd" can't help you with that, no matter what chapter or verse they quote from, and let's face it their hokus pokus magic tricks aren't gonna get the job done either.  Whether it's smoke and mirrors or bland wafers and booze you are walking out in the same situation you were in when you walked in. Don't try to kid yourself.

Not sayin' you shouldn't grind your tail bone on an uncomfortable wooden bench every Sunday if that's what you're in to. After all everyone needs a place to be, and something to do so they stay out of trouble. I'm just  suggesting you keep that particular hobby to yourself, and recommend the same to your like minded friends. We certainly don't need any more distractions as we ply the highways and byways of this wonderful world.  As for me, I will be resting, and dreaming of you all each and every Sunday. After all if it's good enough for "Him/Her/Them/It", well then it works just fine and dandy for me too.

Now you're on your own.