But seriously, after the rise of the undead there's very few places where you can truly be safe. But if I know people, and I do, then i bet there's a bunch of silly folks out there who'll find some barely safe-ish place and decide they're totally safe in their impregnable fortress. Little do they realize that they're way more exposed than they think.
One place folks will think they're safe and sound is on the water. That is to say, in or on assorted boats, rafts, small islands, etc. But did you know that there are submarine Zombies? No, no, i don't mean submarines infected with the Zombie virus cruising around looking to devour helpless people's brains and launching hungry Zombies from their torpedo tubes. Rather I mean Zombies that used to be people and have fallen or wandered into the water. Though now that I think of it there could be Zombies inside submarines. But mostly I'm thinking of plain old dead heads that are walking around on the bottom of oceans and lakes just waiting for their unwary prey to take a refreshing dip. And then....chomp! Goodbye brains.
There is a fairly good chance of survival on oceanic oil rigs due to isolation, heavy equipment on board, and small tightly knit crews of rough manly men. However, there may be other...issues...on such platforms.
First let me clarify, Zombies wouldn't really be 'walking' on the bottom of any body of water. There's an issue of density to consider. Just try walking on the bottom of a pool sometime. But considering that a zombie is dead and has no need to breath their lungs could fill with water making them heavier and their decayed state would allow them to become somewhat waterlogged. So they would more or less float between the surface and the bottom. Definitely a hidden danger.
Many people will consider themselves safe on or in water, not thinking that a Zombie can attack and kill in this liquid environment. The issues with a watery environment for humans are numerous. No communication since you can't talk underwater. No mobility because the drag of the water slows us down. Lastly, no visibility as not all water is crystal clear.
Slapping on the SCUBA gear and blindly diving into possibly Zombie infested water is a good way to unite the two childhood terrors of being eaten and drowning. Put on a face mask and peek under the surface to see if you're in a temporarily Zed free zone. If the water is murky consider using a portable sonar scanner or fish finder. These can be useful in locating underwater obstacles, schools of fish that you might be able to eat, and the floating Zombies you want to avoid.
Consider draining the body of water if possible that way the undead walk clear and you can kill them at your leisure. If this is impossible due to the size of the body of water or the resources you have on hand you'll have to consider other alternatives. Simply leaving the zombies floating about can be dangerous, if the current should push them to shore they could attack without warning and if they can get hold of anything, such as an anchor chain, they will climb up into your boat and have a nibble of your brains. Nowhere to run on a boat.
I suppose you can try fishing the zombies out of the water. Not quite like it sounds. You'll need a grappling gun, some cable, and some decent barb pointed arrows. Once you spot a floater simply shoot it and reel it in where you can finish it off with a sharp blow to the old noggin. Remember, they can still attack while in water so be careful! You could also try netting the zombie before pulling it up to be dispatched, the net would help hinder the undead's movements.
If you know anyone who has experience in scuba diving you could send them down with sear guns and bang sticks to take out the floating threats. But be aware: people who have never done scuba diving or snorkeling before may be in greater danger than those who have. They will be unfamiliar with movement in the underwater environment and may become disoriented or panic if they come under attack. There are also the assorted risks of drowning, asphyxiation, nitrogen narcosis, and hypothermia. These risks are real issues even with experienced divers.
If you or your team choose to go below and take the fight to the undead, so to speak, remember to leave at least two people on the boat for security. Nothing is more frightening than surfacing from an underwater sweep to find the hungry dead waiting on your boat. We know that they can climb to some degree and might very well climb an anchor chain to feast on those within the boat.
There are a few ways to tell if water might have Zombies floating in it. Check out the local wildlife to start, aquatic wildlife such as birds, fish, and turtles have been known to vacate the area if a Zombie is present. Fish have been known to avoid areas of water where an Undead is floating. If you’re fishing and notice no fish are biting, take a quick look into the water to check for submerged dangers. Also, if the Zeds are in the water you might notice floating bits of previous victims, this water is no good for drinking or bathing due to the bacteria from the deceased victims. Also, check for movement just under the surface, if you notice that there is odd movement making the surface ripple or splash you might have an infestation.
And since we briefly touched on it at the beginning we’ll circle back to Zombies in submarines. There is a chance that after z-day the infection might one way or another get to someone on a boat or in a submarine.
There would likely be an uncontrolled pattern of infection after that on the boat/submersible and all on board would be infected. If you come across a seemingly abandoned ship or sub in your travels consider it dangerous and possibly inhabited by the undead. Use extreme caution in boarding and be sure to check every possibly place where a Zed might be hiding.
Always give doors a wide berth before opening and listed very carefully for moans and shuffling. If it’s a sub you’re considering think if you really need to go within. If you don’t really have to then avoid it. If it’s a pressing need use extreme caution. The moment you open the hatch you could be attacked by the previous inhabitants. And no, Navy Zombies are not likely to be more interested in your ass than your brains. Once they reanimate hunger for living flesh overrides the other need. At least at first. However, if you find your crew members eaten and yourself ‘miraculously saved’ by Navy Zombies....well I’d worry then that maybe they had other appetites in mind.
There are probably not any Zombie sharks. But keep an eye out anyway. No matter the body of water or what it contains it’s best to be careful and keep your wits about you. So there you have it, underwater Zombies, the myths debunked, the truth revealed.
Remember you heard it here first, now....Survive This!
Editors Note: If you have any questions or comments about this article, or you have a suggestion for subject matter that you'd like to see the Twins write about, please use the comment section below