Good Evening Boys and Girls. I know it seems like forever since we had a Story Time together but it's really only been a couple of weeks. I understand how that can feel like forever when you're little or a Zombie though. You see your old Unkie Cantankerous hasn't been feeling all that great, but I am feeling much better now.
Today's story is going to be a little different than normal. Because of the nature of today's story there won't be as many pictures as there usually are, and the pictures that there are won't be the cartoons you have grown used it. So be sure to have Mommy and Daddy explain everything to you in detail. If I'm up to it next week I will return to what you're used to. In the meantime have a seat and we'll get today's story started shall we?
Once upon a time there was a boy named Christopher Wilcox. His friends just called him "CW" for short. Okay maybe he wasn't really a boy when this story happened but he sure acted like a boy, and I'm not really sure if he was short or tall, so I don't know why his friends called him "CW" for short, but then I don't really care either. That was his name.
Christopher Wilcox fancied himself quite the tactician and Zombie Killer, in fact he loved to brag to everyone he met that as his virility grew his absolution for knowledge in that regard knew no bounds. Now Children, just between you and I, I don't know what the hell that is supposed to mean, but I suspect Christopher Wilcox just loved using big words that he didn't understand to try and sound smart. People sometimes do that when they feel intellectually inadequate around others and want to sound smarter than they actually are. I know it's silly isn't it?
All that said, the only thing Christopher Wilcox loved more than his misguided sense of self importance was his bone. He took his bone with him everywhere he went and loved to show it off to everyone he came across. Yep you almost never saw Christopher Wilcox out in public without his bone in his hands. It was quite the sight to see, whether you wanted to actually see it or not. Take my word for it when I say that most people didn't want to see it and wished he'd put it away, but Christopher Wilcox didn't care, he just loved showing it off every chance he got.
One day while Christopher Wilcox was out in the deep dark scary forest chopping wood for a fire he suddenly felt a strange burning sensation in his bone. In a panic Christopher Wilcox went looking for a pond to piss into so the horrible burning sensation would stop. You see Children, a bone with a burning sensation is not a very nice thing and it makes you have to pee really badly. If you aren't sure what this means be sure to ask your Daddy I am sure he can elaborate on this further for you. I am sure Mommy also remembers all the boys she knew in College with burning bones. You should ask her about those too.
When his bone finally stopped burning, Christopher Wilcox noticed the reflection of his bone in the waters of the pond. The bone in the water seemed much bigger than the one he held in his hands. You see Children there was nothing Christopher Wilcox loved better than seeing a big bone in his hands. The bigger the bone, the more Christopher Wilcox liked looking at it. Now your Unkie Cantankerous has no idea why this would be the case, so it's probably best to have Mommy explain that one to you, and them maybe you can explain it to me and all your friends at school.
What Christopher Wilcox didn't see in the midst of his admiration of the bigger bone in the water, was the Zombie that was lurking just below the surface. Before CW knew what was happening, that Zombie reached up and grabbed Christopher Wilcox's bone and dragged both it and Christopher Wilcox beneath the murky waters of the pond. A short time later, there was nothing in the water but a growing slick of very dark red blood. Christopher Wilcox and his bone were never seen again.
You see a Bone is pretty much like an Opinion. It is okay to have one, it is even okay to be proud of it, but it's not okay to whip it out and flash it in everyone's face, unless they ask you to. That just makes you look stupid, especially when you use big words you don't understand to try and explain it. If you grow too attached to your bone and feel the need to play with it all the time like Christopher Wilcox, there is a good chance you'll one day run across someone who doesn't agree with you and they'll cut it off as opposed to looking at it anymore. Just ask John Bobbit if you don't believe me. In the end, the moral to this story Children is; "Don't be a Dick!" I'll let Mommy and Daddy explain what that means to you as well.